


"Gerard way, manic depressive"

by Frnk



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Trans Frank Iero, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 14:03:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12842721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frnk/pseuds/Frnk
Summary: This deals with alot of heath issues and also self harm, suicide, manic depression, healing, relapse and so much more. Please do not read if triggered easily! Thank you!!





	"Gerard way, manic depressive"

**Author's Note:**

> This deals with alot of heath issues and also self harm, suicide, manic depression, healing, relapse and so much more. Please do not read if triggered easily! Thank you!!

"Gerard way, manic depressive"  
I glanced at the boy next to me  
"Hello?"i snorted  
"You are?"  
"Frank iero" i said and he raised an eyebrow  
"And what brings you to this lovely place?"  
I looked down at my pockets before back around the hospital  
"Suicidal behaviour"  
"Hmm"he hummed, wiggling his nose  
"Im 23"  
"19"i whispered and he nodded  
"You smoke? I manage to rob one of the nurse, ill share"  
I grinned and nodded  
"Fuck yeah"i grinned, he lead me out behind the shed, lighting up  
"Thr fuck did you get a lighter?"i asked and he shrugged  
"Ive been here a while, they start giving you back stuff"  
I nodded and sighed  
"Ive only been here a few days, is it always so quiet?"  
He snorted and shrugged  
"Somedays, bed at 9 seriously sucks tho"he said and i nodded  
"Why do some have rommies?"i asked  
"They sort us like that, you alone?"  
I nodded  
"Sometimes they dont want to put you with someone incase you hurt them"he whispered and i rolled my eyes  
"I hurt myself not other people"  
He nodded  
"Whyd you do it?"he asked and i shrugged  
"Why the fuck not?"  
He snorted and nodded  
"I feel you"he said before handing me the smoke. I moaned at the first intake, grinning around the filter  
"Fuck man i love you"  
He laughed and hummed, i smoked quickly before following him into the building  
"Way, therapy"  
He grumbled and followed the nurse. He didnt return back all evening, not even for dinner in the canteen.

"Wheres Gerard Ways room?"i asked my nurse

"Hes two doors down from you"she said and i nodded, walking down tge corridor before knocking on the door. I opened it slowly 

"Hey man, not hungry?"

He was lying on his stomach, didnt answer me

"Gerard? Its frank"i said and touched his shoulder, he flinched 

"Leave"he said and i frowned

"Okay"i whispered before leaving, shutting the door tightly 

"Hell be okay in a few days, its nearly lights out go shower"a nurse hummed and i nodded, grabbing my things from my room and walking into the stalls. It was thankfully empty and i pulled the curtains closed, stripping off my baggy hoodie and tracksuit bottoms and turning on the shower. At nine the lights turned off and i rolled my eyes, wrapping a towel tight around my body before going into the changing rooms, locking the door. By the time i was dressed and back in my room i lay on the pillow, sighing at the light from outside. I felt my eyes get heavy

"Frank"

I jumped awake to see Gerard standing there, he waved a cigarette and i rubbed my eyes 

"What times it?"

"Nearly 7 am, come on"

I got up and pulled on my hoodie to follow him out, a nurse nodded as we walked outside to the gated area. He lit the cigarette

"After therapy, you should stay away from me, i can get uh physical"

I nodded

"Noted"i whispered 

"You been yet?"he asked and i shook my head 

"Theyre assholes"

I nodded and took the smoke he handed me 

"But im allowed one box of smokes a week now, no more robbing"

I snorted 

"Good for you man"i smiled and he shrugged

"It works out three a day"he whispered and i nodded 

"Better than nothing dude"

He hummed

"Inside, time for meds"a nurse scolded and i nodded, squishing the cigarette under foot before following them in. I waited inline before getting my container, taking the 3 pills with water 

"Open"

I opened and raised my tongue before moving to the canteen. Gerard slid in next to me a few minutes later

"Visiting day, excited?"he grinned and i shrugged 

"Just my mom, you?"

"My mom and my brother and his partner, i cant wait man, outside world contact"

I laughed and took a spoonful of cereal

"Youre allowed a knife?"i asked as he buttered his toast

"Plastic, im not suicidal"

I cringed 

"I didnt mean it like that-sorry frank"

I nodded and took another spoonful 

"So howd you try?"

I glanced at him before shrugging 

"Okay, i cant take a hint"he said and i hummed, after breakfast we were lead to the visiting room and i ran up to hug mom 

"Hi baby"she whispered 

"Look who came"she added moving past

"Bob!"i hugged him 

"Hey little man, how you doing?"

"Im okay"i said sitting down 

"They treating you okay?"mom asked and i nodded 

"Theyre nice"

"Made any friends?"

I glanced over at Gerard table as he ate a twizzler, 

"Yeah"i nodded and he looked up and stuck out his tongue, i smiled 

"So whats it like out in this big world?"

"Its been a week"mom giggled and i shrugged 

"Long ass week"i hummed

"Hey asshole"

I glanced to my side and Gerard shoved half a pack of twizzlers 

"I had to bribe the nurse man, dont do something stupid"he said and i snorted 

"Hold on to i wrap it round my neck"i joked and he snorted 

"Thats not funng frank"mom scowlded 

"Sorry"i whispered as gerard went back to his table, 

"How are you body issues? They wont let you bind right?"mom whispered and i shrugged 

"Im okay, passing privalige"i whispered back, taking a bite of the twizzler 

"So do you miss us?"bob grinned and i snorted, nodding 

"I really fucking miss my guitar man, and like an actual pencil, i got crayons"i whined and he snorted 

"Whats the rooms like? You sharing?"

"Nah got a single, basics just. We got a tv in the common room but im never there early enough to snag the remote"i smiled and mom nodded

"Its so lonely without you, listening to that album all the time"she said and i snorted 

"You hate pency"i said and she smiled

"Its growing on me, hoe are you feeling honestly?"

I sighed and shrugged 

"Numb"i whispered and she frowned 

"I miss privacy"i whispered and she nodded

"Atleast you have a friend baby, whats his name?"

"No! No!"

I looked over at Gerards table as he slammed his chair back 

"Way, sit down!"a doctor shouted 

"Fuck you, no!"he shouted at the boy who frowned 

"Last warning"a doctor said 

"Stop changing fucking everything!"he shouted again before a doctor grabbed him 

"Shit no! No needles!"he tried to pull away, kicking his legs 

"Visiting is over, patients back to your room, now!"a nurse said, gerard was pushing at the doctor before a needle was shoved into his neck. He let out a scream before his body went limp

"Fuck"i whispered 

"Maybe hes not the best to hang around with"mom whispered as i got up, walking back to my room with everyone else. I pulled my legs to my chest, the image of gerards lifeless body wouldnt leave my head. At 12 am, i finally left the room, sneaking down to Gerards room. 

"Leave frank"he said, not looking up and focusing on a sketch pad

"What happened Gerard?"i whispered 

"Fucking leave"he shouted and i cringed 

"You dont scare me, youll wake everyone"i said shutting the door. I sat down on the ground and he sighed 

"Hes moving, hes going to LA with his boyfriend"

I nodded 

"Everythings changing and im stuck in here, and i over reacted i know, but i cant help it. Everythings slipping away and i dont know what do to, hes my baby brother, moving in with his partner and im here, the fuck have i achieved?"he said and i sucked my lip

"Youll have that too, when you get better"i said and he sighed 

"What if i dont? What if i can never manage it?"he whispered 

"You will"

He shrugged 

"Suicidal, be out of here in a month if you bluff it, ive been here 3 fucking years Frank"he whispered and i nodded, sighing 

"Im transgender"i whispered and he looked up

"I tried to cut my chest, before i gave up and went for my arms, itll be more than a month"

"Like cut them off?"

I nodded and sighed, rubbing my forehead 

"I cant tell, if that means anything"he whispered and i shrugged 

"Everyone is fucked up, okay? Youre not alone"i whispered before the door opened 

"Iero, the whole place is looking for you. Back in your room"

"Lucy"gerard whispered and she sighed 

"I cant pull any favours after today, Gerard"she said before i got up

"See you in the morning"

He nodded before i went back to my room, curling up under the thin sheet and falling asleep. I woke up when the lights turned on, groaning and sitting up and pulling on my hoodie, walking into the bathrooms. Gerard was at a urinal 

"Hey"i whispered going into a stall, yawning. When i was finished i walked out to Gerard leaning against the wall 

"Sorry your visit got cut short"

I shrugged

"Its cool"i washed my hands before rolling my shoulders. I followed him out to the line for the pills, before i took mine. I opened my mouth and lifted my tongue before going to the canteen. Gerard slid in next to me, noticing my mood was off so didnt speak. We ate in silence

"Iero, we got you a therapist. Follow me"

I sighed 

"A full smoke will be waiting for you, just talk okay?"gerard said and i nodded 

"See you then"i whispered before following her to an office. I took a seat on the sofa and looked at the doctor. She smiled softly 

"Hello Frank. Why are you here?"

"You got my file right there"i said 

"In your words, please"

"I harmed my body"

She nodded 

"And why did you do that?"

"Because i dont like it"i said and she nodded 

"And whys that?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed 

An hour later i was lead back to the common room

"Can i go find Gerard?"

She paused 

"Ill get him, sit down"she smiled before walking down towarss the rooms. A few minutes later gerard kneeled infront of me 

"Okay?'

I shook my head 

"Smoke?"

I nodded and bit my lip, the nurse followed up, standing at the other side of the yard 

"That bad you need a nurse?"

I sighrd and took the lit cigarette. She watched me closely 

"I feel like ramming it into my wrist just to annoy her"i whispered and he snorted 

"Youll get my lighter took away, then id have to kill you"

I laughed and nodded 

"What happened?'

"She asks the dumbest questions, like why do you feel like a man? Because i am one you wankstain"i said and he laughed

"I hate it, is it always that bad?"

"Yes"he admitted and i sighed, feeling the tears fill my eyes, i wiped them away 

"Fuck"i whispered 

"Need a hug?"he offered and i snorted, nodding before going into his open arms 

"So short"

I laughed and pressed my ear against his chest. Listening to the steady beat before pulled anyway 

"It helps, it doesnt feel like it now but it does"

I nodded and sighed 

"I just dont want to go over the stuff in my head again"

He hummed and nodded 

"I know, but if you be good in therapy and cooporate then you get benefits"he said 

"That sounds dirty"i said and he snorted 

"Gross"he said and i grinned, taking the final drag of my smoke before sighing, stepping it out 

"Thanks Gerard"

He shrugged and smiled, i followed him back in

"Therapy"he whispered before walking down the hall. I sighed and went to my room, staring at the wall before remembering Gerard had a pencil. I glanced down the hall before slipping into Gerards room, i opened his drawer looking for it before my fingers came across something sharp. I took a deep breath before pulling out the desposiable razor. 

"Put it the fuck down"

I glanced over at gerard, my hand tighteng automatically 

"I will fucking kill you frank, put it the fuck down"

I took a step against the wall, feeling the razor digging into my hand before gerard grabbed me, pulling my arm free and taking the razor 

"Stuid son of a bitch"he whispered before meeting my eyes, i started to cry 

"Pull yourself together, a nurse is going to be here in less than a minute"he whispered grabbing my hand and groaning 

"Go to the bathrooms, wash it, fuck frank its a dirty razor!"he whined

"Clean it properly, fuck ill see you after therapy"he whispered and i nodded pushing past him. I washed the blood of my hand, a small cut in the center that already stopped bleeding. I went back to my room, pulling the blankets over my head as my skin became itchy. Time passed quickly before gerard pulled the sheets off me

"The fuck were you thinking?"

I started to cry again 

"I just wanted a pencil to write lyrics! I didnt know if was there!"i said and he sighed sitting down on the bed 

"Do i need to proof my room, really frank?"he whispered and i sniffed 

"Im sorry"

"Its a dirty razor, its gross as hell frank"

I cringed and nodded 

"I didnt think"i whispered before he sighed and lifted my hand, running his finger over the cut. 

"Next time ill call a nurse and youll be put in a locked padded room, im not kidding"he said and i nodded, wiping my eyes but more tears spilled out. He sighrd 

"Move over"

I did and he kicked of his shoes, lying down and i pressed close into him. He set his hand on my waist

"Are you improving?"

I shook my head

"Tell them that frank, theyll up your pills"

I shook my head, pressing my face into the front of his hoodie. He slid his arm around to wrap around me.

"Dinn-oh"Lucy said 

"Well be out now, lucy"gerard whispered and the door closed again. I pulled away 

"Better?"

I nodded and he got up. I pushed up my hood, following him out to the canteen. We ate in silence 

"Wanna share a smoke?"

I nodded and sighed, following him out. 

"Do you think it would be different if you were born male?"

I looked at him 

"Would you still hate yourself"he added and i shruggrd 

"Probably"i whispered 

"And whys that?"

"I dont like my face, or my mind, or my atritude"

He smiled softly 

"Nobody likes their own face and you can change your attitude"

I shrugged 

"Whats it like being manic depressive?"

"Exhausting"he mumbled and i nodded. The next few days passed quickly, getting into a routeen before it was visiting day again. I squeezed Gerards wrist ad i walked past

"Hey mom"i said hugging her. 

"Hi sweetheart, i miss you"

"Me too, no bob?"

"He got scared"she whispered and i nodded

"Whats wrong with him?"

"Mom"i frowned before she sighed 

"Sorry that was rude. How are you?"

Half way through visitation Gerard put a plastic cup infront of me 

"Apparently if i share i cant give you a can"he whispered 

"Oh shit you got coke? Why the fuck are you allowed all the good shit?"i said and he winked 

"Diet coke, the best"he whispered before ealking away again. I took a long drink and sighed 

"Shit i miss caffine"i whispered and mom laughed 

"No coffee?"

I frowned and shook my head 

"Not allowed it"i whispered and she nodded 

"You and Gerard seem to be getting close?"

I nodded

"Boyfriend?"she whispered and i frowned 

"No mom"

She hummed and nodded

"Dad ever phone?"

"Yes baby"she whispered

"Youre lying"

She sighed and nodded

"He loves you really"

I shrugged 

"Start saying goodbye"

I glanced at Gerard hugging his brother before sighing at getting up and hugging her

"See you soon mom"

"Love you baby"

I nodded and let go, gerard caught my wrist as i walked past and i cringed 

"Sorry, dont dissapear"he whispered before hugging his mom and walking out side to your gated area. He pulled something out of his pocket and placed a packet of cigarettes in my hand

"I pulled some strings. But im not giving you a lighter okay?"

I grabbed him and hugged him tightly, 

"Thank you"

He laughed and nodded before i took one out of the box. He lit it for me 

"Dont get caught with a full box"

I nodded and inhaled, grinning 

"What the fuck would i do without you?"

"Have heathier lungs"he joked and i grinned, resting against the shed 

_1 month later_

I opened Gerards door, he was face down on his stomach, motionless. I climbed up on the bed next to him

"Bad session?"

He let out a cry 

"Come here"i whispered, pilling the blankets over us. He pressed his wet face into my neck and i wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Youre okay Gerard"i whispered and he shook his head 

"No frankie"

"Shh, you are"i whispered, he moved to wipe his nose on his sleeve before shoving his face back into my neck. I ran my hand over his hair before stting it on the back of his neck. 

"Go to sleep G. Ill be here"i whispered and he sniffed, pulling away to look at me. I turned my head and looked back before soft lips were against mine. Just resting there before he pulled back 

"Okay?"he whispered

"Yes gee, okay"i whispered before i leaned forward to kiss him again. 

"Enough. Back to your room frank"

I looked up at Matthew, a doctor 

"Neither of you are stable enough. Room frank"

"I want to stay here, im not hurting anybody"i said as Gerard squished his face inti my neck again 

"I will sedate you. Now frank"

"No needles"Gerard cried loudly 

"Its fine im going"i said moving down to get out of Gerard bed. I walked past the doctor and went outside. Sitting down and sighing 

"Lucy can i borrow a lighting? Gerard gave me a smoke"

She sighed and lit it for me 

"Matthew made me leave his room"

"We have a meeting about yous"she said and i frowned 

"To see if itll do more harm to keep you guys apart"

I rolled my eyes 

"Fuck this fucking place"gerard said and i glanced at him, he sat next to me before sighing 

"Yous control every other aspect of our lifes, we cant decide if we make out or not?"

Lucy frowned 

"Youre both unstable, it could set back the progress"

"What progress? Im still fucjing insane!"he said and she sighed

"Franks doing better, you dont want to ruin that right?"

He deflated and shook his head 

"No"

"Exactly"she sighrd 

"Ill do my best boys, just behave until after the meeting"

I nodded and she put out her cigarette before going inside. I leaned into Gerard and he sighed 

"I never take my pills"

I glanced at him 

"They trust me, i dont take them, flush them"

I groaned 

"And you wonder why your not improving? You could have left years ago!"

"I can never draw or write with them, just sleep"

"Youre bodys fucking adjusting man shit"i sighed before he nodded 

"Ill start again"

I nodded and sighed

"Theyre tryinf to help"

"I know"he whispered before getting up 

"See you after the meeting"

I nodded before finishing my smoke, walking into the showers. I showered quickly before changing. I walked up to the front desk. Sucking my lip as i waited 

"Yes frank?"

"I need tampons"i whispered and she frowned looking at my file 

"Youve been here over a month and never asked for them before'she said 

"Im irregular, what am i going to do with it?"i sighed and she frowned again 

"I can give you pads"

"No, they dont sit in my boxers. Seriously? Denying me tampons?"i said 

"Ill talk to the doctor on call"she said and i nodded, going back to my room. An hour later a doctor appeared and i frowned, sitting up 

"Tampons are a no"he said 

"Why?"

"Dangerous"he said before taking out a box 

"This is a diva cup, safer, reusable"

"You want me to show that in myself?"i muttered 

"We can help if youd like. Needs emptyed and cleaned daily"

"In the dudes bathroom"i said and he sighed

"Were trying to help frank"he said and i sighed 

"Why are tampons dangerous?"

"TSS you could leave it in on purpose"

"I use them at home"i said and he sighed

"I can give you pads or this, thats your option"

"No, can i see my therapist?"

"Shes off today"he said and i frowned 

"Just give me two tampons until i see her, fuck"i whispered and he sighed, 

"Fine. But a doctor will monitor you"

"Whatever"i whispered and he left again, returning with two. I took them, shoving them into my pocket. By 1 am, i sneaked into gerards room, curling up behind him.

"Youre gonna get in trouble"he mumbled turning to me

"Fuck them"i whispered and he turned around to kiss me. I grinned, kissing back as my hand went into his hair. He nipped at my lip and i opened up, moaning as he pushed his tongue in. He moaned and turned us slightly so he was leaning over the top, his hand pushing up my tshirt to set on my hip 

"Frank, room now"

I broke apart to lucy 

"Now quick before doctor renolds comes"

I jumped off the bed, shutting the door of my room and lying down, pretending to be sleeping as he checked my room. When i woke up, i shuffled past the crowd to the bathrooms

"Hey frankie"

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his back

"Tired"i whispered and he hummed 

"Lucy said we can hang out, but you gotta stop sneaking into my room"

I laughed 

"Live a little babe"i whispered and he blushed, i went into the bathroom stall. When i was done i went out and washed my hands, walking out to the line for pills. I watched Gerard stare into his plastic cup before taking them, swallowing it down. After i got mine i went to the canteen, sliding in next to him.

"Visiting again, seems to never stop"i whispered and he snorted nodding 

"Poor Linda"

I hummed and ate quickly. We were lead into the room and i froze 

"Dad"i whispered, gerard put his hand on my back 

"Okay?"

"Can i kiss you to piss my dad off?"

"Romantic as fuck, sure"

I leaned up to kiss him and snorted against him 

"Wish me luck"

He hummed and sat down. Lucy whispered something in gerards ear before coming to mine 

"I said hang out not make out, keep it to a minimum"

"Sorry man, wont happen again"i whispered before sitting down infront of dad. 

"Hi"i said and he sighed 

"Youre not allowed your own clothes, hy are some peopke?"he said 

"They earned it"i said before getting up to hug mom 

"Sorry im late"she whispered and i nodded sitting down again. 

"The nurse said youre doing well"

I smiled and nodded 

"Yeah im getting there"i whispered, i glanced at gerard curled up into his mom. I could hear him crying softly. I got up, kneeling by him 

"Gee?"i whispered and he let go of his mom to hug me

"Ill be gone for a few days, stay strong for me okay?"he whispered 

"Where are you going?"i whispered and he sniffed 

"My grandma passed"he whispered and i sighed 

"Im sorry G"i whispered and he nodded wiping his eyes 

"Two days gerard, no alcohol and no drugs you will be tested"Dr. Owens said and he nodded, getting up 

"Be strong frankie"he whispered 

"You too"i squeezed his fingers before i watched him leave, i sat down at my table again 

"Hes leaving?"mom said 

"For a while"i whispered

The next two days passed slowly until i found Gerard outside smoking in a leather jacket, he had on a black flag top and ripped jeans with doc martain boots 

"G?"i whispered and he flinched, throwing his smoke out before walking past me

"Do not follow"he muttered before walking inside. I frowned, going back to my room and curling up in the bed. Gerard didnt surface for over three days 

"Hes sleeping"lucy said and i frowned, nodding any time i asked. On the fourth day i woke up to arms around my waist. 

"G?"i turned over 

"Hi"he whispered and i hugged him 

"Fuck i missed you"i whispered 

"I feel like a zombie"he admitted and i pressed my face into his neck 

"How was the outside world?"i whispered 

"Dark and depressing"he admitted and i nodded 

"Can i kiss you?"

"Got morning breath"i snorted and he smiled slightly, leaning forward to press our lips together. I shuffled close, deepening the kiss quickly before moaning, gripping on to his hoodie as he rolled us over, he broke apart and i kissed down his neck biting at his shoulder. He moaned softly, letting me push the hoodie out of the way to nip and suck, littering his shoulder in bruises before he kissed me again, his hand pushing up my hoodie onto my hip, i spread my legs around him so he was on top properly. His hand moved from my hoodie onto the waist band of my boxers and i froze 

"Frankie?"he whispered, breaking apart 

"I dont care-"

"Well get caught"i whispered 

"Thats the only reason?"he whispered and i shrugged, biting my lip 

"If you say no, i wont push you Frank, okay?"

"Okay"i whispered before Gerard kissed my cheek and my lips 

"Do you want me too?"he whispered 

"Yes Gee"i whispered and he kissed my again

"Have you did anything before?with anyone?"

"No"i whispered 

"Yourself?"

"No"i whispered and he hummed, kissing my neck. He slowly pushed his hand into my boxers and i gasped softly, his cold fingers pressing against my clit. I moved my hips and moaned quietly 

"Good boy, gotta be quiet for me okay?"

I nodded and kissed him as he started to stroke my slowly, i bucked my hips up and he snorted 

"Patience frankie"he whispered before sliding a finger inside me. I gasped at the stretch and he kissed my jaw, moving his finger quickly before he pushed in another. I whined, the pressure building in my stomach quickly 

"Good boy, you going to come for me?"

I nodded quickly before a hand came over my mouth as i moaned out, my body shaking as my orgasm took over. I closed my legs as i got sensitive, turning over until gerard took his hand out. I breathed against his neck before reaching into his boxers, 

"Really close frankir"he whispered and i hummed, licking hid neck before i wrapped my hand around the base, jerking him quickly before he whined into my mouth, spilling over his boxers. I stroked him through it  before wiping my hand on the sheets, moving it to his neck. Our kisses slowed down to soft and loving quickly before he broke apart, 

"Okay?'

I nodded and smiled

"Good"he whispered, kissing my forehead before hugging me, i drifted off to sleep quickly. 

"Guys, shit your pushing it, up"lucy said before closing the door. I groanrd and got up, rubbing my face

"Fuck i nedd a shower, my boxers are stuck to me"

I snorted 

"Ill cover for you"i said and he hummed, kissing my shoulder before shuffling out. I walked up to the que, quickly taking mine 

"Gerards in the bathroom, he said hell get his in a second"i said and the nurse nodded, i walked to the canteen, getting my breakfast and sitting down. Gerard sat down 10 minutes later 

"Take your meds?"

He held up the jar before taking them, taking a drink of his water 

"Good"i whispered 

"Therapy"he said 

"Mine first, ugh"

He hummed 

"Meet you after for a smoke"he nodddd and i got up, walking to the office. 

"Hi frank, how are you today?"

I shrugged 

"Im okay"i said and she smiled 

"And how are you and gerard?"

"Good"i nodded 

"Were thinking about giving you town privaliges, every Saturday a few go into the mall for two hours, would you be intrested?"

"Yes" i nodded 

"Anything else youd like?"

"My guitar"i admitted 

"Im not suicidal now, just down sometimes. Guitar would help, and smokes cause i cant keep robbing gerards"

She hummrd and wrote something down 

"Dangerous items"

"I could honestly sign myself out anytime"i said and she sighed 

"Guitar, what if we made it an hour a day in the common room then it got locked away?"

"What about outside?"i said and she hummed

"That could work, yes"she smiled and i grinned 

"I cant give you a lighter. I can allow you one pack of cigarettes a week, but no lighter"

I nodded 

"Thats okay"i said and she smiled

"Now you tell me honestly how you feel?"

I stared at my shoes 

"Im getting there, Gee makes me happy"

"Gee as in gerard?"

I nodded

"I know you guys dont want us dating, but its helping me deal with body issues"i said and she hummed 

"And what about if sex comes up? Youre grown adults, what do you think would happen then?"

I shrugged

"I dont think were rushing towards that soon, im a virgin"i said and she nodded 

"And what happens if you fall pregrant?"she asked 

"What?"

"I mean youre not on birth control, what if you did and fell pregnant, how would that affect you?"

"Im 19, im not planning on kids"

"Do you want to go on birth control?"she asked 

"No, im not planning on having sex with him"i said and she hummed 

"And if you do decide, youll tell me before hand?"

"Sure. Does he get weekend privilages?"

"Hes had them for a while, he doesnt find a need unless hes out of art supplies"

I nodded 

"How are you scars healing?"

"Okay"i nodded

The rest of the hour went slowly before i got up

"Well let your mother know about your guitar"

"Ask her for the accoustic"

She nodded and smiled 

"And my wallet and some clothes for saturday"

She nodded before i walked out, walking outside to gerard 

"Howd it go?"

"Good, shes in a good mood" 

"Thats good babe"he passed me ghe lighter and i took a drag. 

"Gerard"

He sighrd and looked at Lucy

"See you soon"i whispered handing him his lighter. After dinner i couldnt find Gerard before i finally looked in the showers 

"Hi gee"i whispered and he opened his eyes sighing  

"Not today baby"he whispered 

"Talk to me, ill help"

He pushed his hair back and wiped the water from his eyes, his shoulder was covered in hickys. 

"Im just tired frankir, please"he turned off the shower, wrapoing a towel around his waist before stepping out 

"Why are you being like this? Dont shut me out"i said and he groaned

"Just fuck off already!"he shouted and i flinched 

"Frank i did-"

I ran to my room, slamming the door as the tears slipping out. I pressed my back against the door, crying into my knees. I breathed in deep through my nose, wiping my eyes before turning on the shitty radio. 

"Fucking ipod"i whispered, emembering to ask for one. I closed my eyes and listened to the static. 

"Package"lucy said and i smiled, taking my change of clothes for tomorrow and my guitar 

"Outside remember? hour until bed"

"You gonna be out there?"

She nodded and smiled, i walked out, sitting on one of the tables and lucy handed me the lighter. After a drag i handed it back, running my hand down the keys. I shut my eyes as i started playing, words automatically following out of my mouth before i grinned, relaxing as i took a drag 

"Hey are ipods allowed?"

"No, earphones"she said 

"Oh, cds?"

"I can ask frankie"

I nodded before starting to play again. The next morning i got up and dressrd for the town run, i took my pills 

"Youre going? I would of came"gerard said 

"Fuck off already"i muttered before following everyone to the bus. When we got to the mall lucy stood up

"2hours, on the dot. Back here. Your objects will be checked, along with your clothes and a physical"she said before opening the door, i grinned 

"Here, just for the next two hours. Youll have a full body check"

I nodded and took the lighter before walking to starbucks. I got a coffee before walking i to the book store, by the two hours were over i had bought 3 books,  box of smokes, 2 coffees and a bottle of ice coffee, a new album and some kids pencils. I sat upfront with lucy 

"Am i allowed these?"i asked showing her the pencils 

"Maybe, ill have to take the pointer"

I nodded. By the time we were back lucy took my into a room 

"Strip"

I undressed

"Spread your legs and caugh"

"Fuck lucy"i said and she shrugged, i did before she nodded, checking my pockets before nodding 

"Okay Frank, good, have fun?"

"Yeah"i smiled, she took my sharpener before i got dressed again 

"Send the next one in"

I nodded, she handed my my things, bining my plastic bag before i left 

"Kyle your up"i said as i walked past, i put my things awah before taking a pencil out and smiling as i started writing

"Baby"

I looked up at gerard and sighed

"What?"

"Im a manic depressive, i will snap and cursh and fight, please"he said and i sighrd 

"Fine okay"i whispered and he sat next to me 

"Good morning?"

I nodded and smiled, letting him lean into me

"Oh shit you got books"he leaned forward, picking them up to read the cover 

"Fuck can i borrow this?"

"Sure gee"i whispered and he grinned, leaning into me as he started reading. 

"Frank"

I looked over at lucy 

"I got you this, only when gerards here tho, quietly"she said and i grinned at the battery operated cd player. I got up to show on my new cd

"Thank you"i whispered before turning it up slightly, sitting back on the bed and gerard cuddled into me, reading the book quietly. I kissed his head, going back to write 

"What are you writing?"

"Lyrics" i whispered and he hummed, aftee a few minutes i shifted, pulling the blanket up over us. And wrapping my left arm around his chest. He sighed happily, and i relaxed into it, writing down all the ideas in my head.

"Guys, dinner time"

I looked up at matthew 

"Not hungry"i said

"Ill have to write it on your form, not a good impression after your first day out"

I sighed and nodded setring down my notebook and getting up. After dinner G came back to my room, snuggling up into me in the same position. After an hour i moved on to a book, opening up the first chapter and zonning out.

"Lights out guys"lucy said before Geradd sighed 

"Can i stay here? Just tonight?"

She sighed 

"Another hour then my shifts over, be in your room before then"she said lifting the cd player. He nodded before the lights turned off and i put down my book, sighing into his head.

"Can i be the little spoon?"he nodded and shuffled up until we were spooning. When i woke up, Gerard was still there and i turned to press our foreheads together 

"G back to your room, well get in trouble"

He hummed, sleepily getting up before the lights turned on

"Morning"he snorted before leaving the room. 

"No visitors today frank"Matthew said after breakfast and i nodded

"Mom not coming?"gerard said and i shook my head 

"Working"

"Want to meet my mom?"

"Not like this"i whispered and he nodded 

"Okay, you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah babe"i said 

"Empty shower"i added and he hummed kissing my cheek before getting up. I showered slowly, relaxing against the water and sighing 

"Who showers for an hour?"

I wrapprd my arms around my chest and gerard frowned 

"I cant see anything baby"he whispered and i turned it off, rapping a towel around my body before going into the changing rooms. I changed quickly before walking out 

"Are you okay today?"he whispered and i shrugged 

"Ill be fine, just dont want to talk"i whispered and he nodded 

_1 month later_

"Youve done excellent, i think its time you were released"

I grinned

"Seriously?"i said and she nodded 

"Youll still visit me once weekly and your mother will handke your tablets too"

"Oh thank god"i grinned and she laughed 

"What about gerard?"i whispered and she sighed 

"Patient confedianlity"

I nodded 

"Your mother will pick you up this evening"

"Thank you"i said and she smiled, i walked to Gerards room 

"Gee"i whispered and he looked up, pulling off his earphones 

"Hi baby that was quick"

"Im free g, ive improved so much im leaving"

"Oh"he whispered and i frowned 

"Youll forget about me"he said 

"No i wont"i whispered and he flinched

"Go pack, see you around"

I frowned 

"Fucking leave"he shouted getting up to shove me. I rolled my eyes and walked out, packing my things before changing into my normal clothes, 

"Heard the good news"lucy grinned 

"Gerards not dealing with it, keep an eye on him?"

She sighed and nodded 

"Ill be back for visitation, put me on his list?"

"Yes frankie"

Mom arrived to pick me up, grinning 

"Ill be out in a second"she nodded and took my bag before i walked into Gerards room. I set down my three books 

"You get calls right? Heres my number"i set it down 

"Fucking go frank what are you hanging around here for?"he said and i sighed, kissing his cheek 

"I love you"i admitted before i shut his door. I got to the car before i heard Gerard screaming, i looked back, lucy was holding him back and i got out of the car, running up to the door, she let go as he hugged me, crying into my neck

"I love you too, im sorry, please come back"he whispered and i grinned, kissing his cheek 

"Ofcourse babe, call me, be good for me"

I kissed him and he nodded, sniffing before kissing me again. 

"Let him go, Gerard"lucy whispered and he nodded letting go 

"See you"i whispered before going back to the car. I lit a cigarette before sighing 

"Not boyfriends huh?"mom smiled and i snorted 

"This is gonna be hard as hell"i whispered. Wednesday came soon and i drove to the hospital, parking up and taking the visitor badge.

"Nice to see you frank"

"Hey lucy"i grinned before the buzzer went off and i fell to the ground in a heap, laughing as i gripped on to gerard. I kissed his neck 

"Hi baby"

"Frankie, so like on saturday youre gonna meet me right?"

"Yes sweetheart"

"Hows the outside world?"

"Coffee and chocolatw"i said and he laughed

"Oh, hey i remember you craved these"

I took the poptarts out of my pocket and he grinned 

"Thank you"he whispered and  i nodded 

"Apparently if im good i can be out in a month, how rad is that?"

I grinned 

"So rad babe, fuck you dont realise how much you miss a double bed"i said and he laughed 

"I miss sharing with you"he whispered 

"By the way,you look amazing give me a twirl"i laughrd and stood up, spinning around.

"Look at you, fucking punk. Howd i never pick up on that?"he said 

"Hard when the dress code is grey'

He giggled 

"You got piercings!"

"I always had them, had to take them out" 

He nodded and smiled 

"God i miss you"i whispered and he smiled 

"Me too babe"he whispered and i leaned over the table to kiss him. He grinned 

"Oh, who is this?"

I looked up at donna before blushing 

"Hi ma"he said getting up to hug her 

"Your gay?"she said 

"You thought i was straight?"he snorted and i smiled 

"Im frank nice to meet you maam"i said and she smiled 

"Donna, how did you guys meet?"

"I was a patient here, until a few days ago"

"Really?"she frowned and i nodded. 

It was a week later when i got a phone call at 3 am, 

"Hello?"

"Frankie"gerards voice filled my ear and i relaxed

"Hey baby, you okay?"

"lucy gave me her phone for half an hour, im hard frankie"he whispered and i giggled 

"Yeah? You cant sort it without me?"

He hummed 

"Weve only did things once so i definetly have. I miss you, i want to touch you frankie"he whispered and gasped slightly. I turned onto my back, pushing my hand into my boxers 

"I want to make you moan frankie"he whispered and moaned into the phone. I whined and spread my legs 

"I know you dont but please touch yourself for me"he whispered and i gavs in, sliding my hand over to my hole. I pushed a finger in slowly and let out a shaky breath

"I want to pin you to your bed frankie, would you let me do that?"he whispered 

"Yes"i gasped adding a second finger 

"Would you let me fuck you baby? Fill you up, make you mine?"

I moaned 

"Yes gee please"i whispered before he moaned 

"How many fingers frankie?"

"2"

"Make it three for me baby boy, can you take it?"

I whined and pushed in a third with ease

"Yes"i whispered and he moaned 

"Wanna tie you down and fuck you until your screaming, fuck"he whispered, his breath quick and uneven 

"Rub your clit, cum for me Frank. Come on baby im close"

I tensed as my orgasm built before i was moaning, twisting as my body shook 

"Good boy"he moaned loud

"Fuck gee"i whispered and he breathed out deep before i heard rustling

"Fucking loveyou"he whispered and i hummed 

"Love you gee"i whispered, curling in towards the wall

"Cant wait to be able to cuddle you"he whispered and i hummed

"Youll be home soon"i whispered and he sighed

"Hopefully"

"Have you had any breakdowms baby?"

"No, ive been reading and drawing and taking my meds"

"Good boy"i whispered and he hummed 

"Gerard"

"Lucys back"he said 

"Dont hang up i want to speak to him"

"Bye frankie"he whispered before i heard rustling and the door closing

"Frank?"

"Hey lucy"

"Frank hes being released"

I gasped and sat up 

"What? He didnt say?"

"He doesnt know, tomorrow morning. His family know, but i told them youd collect him and take him home to the welcome party. 11 am hell be ready"

I started crying 

"Fuck lucy thank you"i said and she sniffed 

"Ill miss you guys, bye frank"

She hung up and i grinned, to excited to sleep. I showered and cleaned the house before making breakfast.

"Whats goung to happen?"

"Gees getting out"i grinned and she smiled 

"Thats great baby"

I bounced on the souls of my feet, putting out her pancakes. By 10.30 i was driving there, going inside early. 

"What are you doing here?"Gerard said as soon as he seen me 

"Picking up some things"i smiled 

"Way"

He sighed kissing my cheek before walking to the office. I started packing gerards things inyo his suitcase, by the time i was mostly done i was tackled on the bed 

"You knew!"he grinned and i laughed kissing him 

"Fuck yes i did, hi baby"

He finished packing quickly 

"Lets get the fuck out of here"he grinned and i nodded

"Boys"lucy said from the door 

"Frank, still ever wednesday at 2 pm. Gerard wednesday and monday, 1 pm"

He nodded and grinned 

"What are you excited for most?"she asked 

"A legal beer"

She laughed 

"Ill miss you Way, be good alright?"she hugged him 

"And only one, no partying on those meds"

He hummed 

"Maybe 10, what will happen?"

"Youll have an episode, be careful alright? Keep him safe frank"

I nidded and hugged her

"Now get out of my sight"she grinned and gerard smiled, walking out. 

"Freedom"he fistpumped as we walked threw the front doors and i laughed, swinging his bag into the trunk. 

"Now you hate surprises but donna is throwing a party, so you have to give me directions"

He hummed and nodded 

"I need to pick up my prescription?"

"Okay bae, ll swing by boots. Belt up"

He did and i started the car, pulling out. The drive was quick and he went into the chemist as i went next door 

"2 large black coffees please"

When i went out i got into the car and took a sip, grinnig as gerard came out 

"Coffee"he squealed and i snorted, he got in and took a long mouthful

"Ugh if i ever have to be admitted again, shoot me"

I snorted 

"Not on my watch babe. Now how do i get to donnas?"

  
He rambled off thr address as i pulled out

"Light me a smoke?"

He hummed and lit two, passing my one before i stopped at the traffic lights

"Hey frankie?"

I looked over and he pecked my lips. I grinned before pulling out again. The drive was quick and soon i was pulling up infront of a large packed house. I parked at the curb

"Im nervous"

"Im here baby"i whispered and he nodded

"Alot of people havent seen me since my breakdown"he admitted

"Was it bad?"

He sucked his lip in

"I drove my car into a wall, on purpose"

I nodded

"And then i attacked the ambulance man"

"Was he hurt?"

"No"he whispered

"No harm done babe. Your fine, im here"i smiled and he nodded

"Lets do this"

I got out, following him up the steps before he opened the door

"Welcome home!"a group shouted and he grabbed my hand tightly. I squeezed and shut the door

"Hi G"his brother hugged him and he let go of my hand to hug everyone back.

"So whos this?"a man smiled and gerard tensed

"Im Frank"i smiled and gerard nodded

"Shall i hide the knifes?"another joked and everyone went quiet

"Maybe, never know when ill snap and use it on you" Gerard mumbled shoving past into the kitchen

"Such an ass Jake"Donna scowlded and i followed G

"Hey hey, one stupid comment okay?"i whispered and he sighed and nodded. Taking two beers from the fridge and handing me one

"Dont go over board baby, okay?"

He kissed my forehead

"Can you stay here tonight?"he whispered

"Ofcourse gee"i smiled and he grinned

"What an asshole he is,even donnas hairs angry man"

Gerard snorted

"This is Ray mikeys partner"

"Sup man"i smiled

"Boyfriend freaks gerard out"he said and i snorted

"It doesnt explain it, boyfriend sounds naive, lover sounds weird"gerard explained and i hummed taking a sip of the beer

"I like your hair man"ray said

"Me too, afro is the business"

Ray laughed

"Gerard, come in her sweetheart"donna called and he sighed before walking in. I followed

"Youve lost so much weight!"a woman smiled and he shrugged 

"Thanks?"he whispered 

"Is this your boyfriend?"

"Partner yeah"he nodded 

"And how did you two meet?"she grinned and he tensed

"I was a patient. G helped me"i said and she frowned 

"Oh"she whispered 

"But you boys are better now, lets forget that!"donna said and i smiled 

"Hey, franchesca!"

I glanced at the guy before freezing 

"Its not frank, shes a chick! We were in middle school together"Tom laughed and donna frowned 

"Its Frank"Gerard said and i took a step forward, placing my hand around gerards wrist 

"Its okay, maybe uh tiny tom wants to remember middle school"i said and gerard started laughing 

"Seriously?"gerard said and i nodded 

"Yeah, he got caught jacking it in a janitors closet"i said 

"Boys, enough now"Donna sighed 

"He started it!"

"She is franchesca!"tom said 

"You knew he was trans you stupid fucker, you just wanted to try and embaress him" Gerard said before i shrugged 

"Shall i introduce myself from now on as "hey im frank but i do actually have a female body, want to take a peak?"i said before walking into the kitchen

"Fucker of a day already"ray said and i hummed 

"How long do these parties last?"

"All night"he said and i groaned

"So you were in the hospital too? You okay now?"

"Yeah i got let out a month ago, im all good"i nodded before gerard came in

"Sorry"

I shrugged 

"Its okay babe"i kissed his cheek and he sighed 

"I just want a pizza and my bed"he whispered

"Soon babe okay?"

By 8 pm i had three beers and i was kind of tipsy. Gerard grinndd at me, taking a drink of soda 

"Lightweight"he whispered, i leaned up close to his ear 

"You gonna pin me to your bed gee?"i whispered and he sighed 

"Asshole"he mumbled pulling his hoodie over his crotch. I grinned and kissed his ear 

"So guys, any pland for tomorrow?"

"Sleep and eat"gerard said and i snorted 

"My mom wants to meet you"

"She thinks im insane, she always gave me weird looks"

"Shes not judgemental, i just didng tell her your disorder, shes trying to figure it out"

He nodded and sighed 

"Mom im tired, can we go to bed"

"Yes sweetie, i moved it to the basement to give you some freedom. Mikey moved your old sfuff down"

"Kay, night everyone"

A drunken course replied and i grinned, following gerard down 

"This is weird"he whispered and i hummed

"Big"i said 

"Me and mikey use to share upstairs, now i got my own entrance and bathroom, its great"he said and i nodded, gasping as i was shoved against the door 

"Shit warning"i laughed and he nipped at my neck 

"You didnt give me warning"he whispered and i moaned, he kissed me hard, pinning my hands above my head before pulling away to drag me to the bed. I kicked of my shoes and lay down, grinning as he crawled on top of me. He kissed me again, pushing oup my hoodie 

"Leave that on"i whispered 

"Frankie, i dont care-"

"Im all scars g"i whispered 

"Promise i dont care baby, let me see you"he whispered 

"Door locked?"

He nodddd before i sighed pulling off my hoodie and binder. His hand ran down my hips, smiling softly before he kissed me again. I moaned and pushed off his top. Next were our jeans before he slowed the kisses down. He kissed down my throat down my my chest. His tongue traced the deeo scars before he nipped at my nipple. I moaned quietly, threading my fingers through his hair. He sucked lightly before moving to bite at my stomach. I gasped as he pushed his hand into my boxers and i spread my legs. He pulled away to pull off my boxers and i squeezed my eyes shut as a finger pushed inside. I felt something warn and wet on my clit and i moaned

"You fucking-"

He moaned against me, sucking lightly as he added another finger 

"More more gee"i gasped and he added a third, licking my clit as he fingered my quickly 

"Yes, gee fuck yes"i moaned, bucking my hips up before i pushed his head against me, moaning as i came. He slowly pullrd his fingers out, licking lightly before crawling back up to me. I kissed him deep, tasting myself on his tongue 

"Love you"i whispered 

"Fuckin love you"

"Make love to me"i whispered and he bit his lip, nodding 

"You got a condom?"

"Yeah, wallet"i whispered and he reached into my jeans pocket, pulling out the wallet and taking it from the back pocket. He kicked off his boxers and i ran my fingers over him 

"So big gee"i whispered and he moaned softly, sliding the rubber over himself quickly. 

"How do you want to do this baby?"

"Want you on top"i whispered and he nodded, kissing me again as he positioned himself 

"Ready?"

I nodded and gasped as he pushed in, i adjusted quickly before he thrust in slowly. He kissed my neck

"Tell me if you need to stop okay?"

"Kay"i whispered before he moved faster. I moaned and leaned forward to kiss him. He collapsed onto hi elbows, pulling my thighs up closer to my chest as we kissed, his thrusts getting faster. I brike apart to gasp against his mouth, my arms around his neck 

"Fuck gee"i whined and he moaned softly 

"So tight"he moaned, dropping his head against my jaw. He kissed my jaw and neck before biting on my shoulder. I moaned and pushed my hand between us to rub my clit

"Fuck yes touch yourself for me baby boy"he moaned, i whined against his head 

"Gonna cum gee, cum with me baby"i moaned befofe my orgasm hit, making my body tense and twitch. He moaned as his hips stuttered, pushing in deep as he came. He rocked slowly through it before pulling out, rolling onto his back. He abandoned the condom on the ground,pulling the blankets over us as we caught our breaths. He lay his head on my chest, and i kissed his forehead 

"So good baby"i whispered and he hummed  

"So fucking good"he whispered and i grinned

"Smoke"he added before reaching for his jeans over me. I slid my hand down his back to his bare ass before slapping it as he laughed 

"Fuck you"he said and i snorted, sitting up to take the smoke. I held the blanket against my chest as we smokrd in silence before lying back down. He lay on my chest before sighing

"Im scared ill have a breakdown"

"I know sweetheart"i whispered

"Can you feel it coming?"

"Usually"

"Then you tell me, and well drive far away from here okay?"

"Okay frankie" he whispered

"Im going to keep you safe gorgeous"i whispered and he nodded 

"Night frankie"

"Good night gorgeous"i whispered. After a few minutes he was snoring softly and i got up, pulling on some pjs from the drawer before going upstairs 

"You have a massive hicky"

I laughed at Ray, filling a glass of water 

"Night man"i smiked before going back downstairs, climbing into bed after a long drink. When i woke up, gerard was sketching me 

"Morning"he whispered and i smiled, ubbing my eyes 

"Hi babe"i whispered and he set down his sketchpad to climb into bed again. I curled up into his, yawning.

"You have any plans today?"

"Tattoo booked for two"i whispered 

"Yeah? What you getting?"

"A scorpio herr"i pointed and he hummed 

"Sounds cool babe"he whispered and i nodded

"Want to come?"

"Nah no needles for me"

I giggled and kissed his chest. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah babe"he smiled

"Ill go get your pills, go make sone breakfast"

I went to the car in G pjs, grabbing the bag before going back in. Gerard was pouring cereal out

"Which one?"

"Frankenberry"i hummed reading the bottles. 1 to be taken daily it said on each on then and i poured them into my hand

"Whats up with his arms?"a woman whispered

"Fuck you"i snapped 

"Exactly"Gerard said 

"Here babe"i handrd him the pills. He took them and opened to show me 

"Good boy"i whispered kissing hisbforehead before sitting across from him. 

"Hey guys"mikey said 

"Sup"i hummed 

"Hungover as hell"mikey slipped into the chair next to me with a mug of coffee 

"Sucks to be you" gerard smirked and i nodded 

"I missed proper cereal"i said and he snorted 

"Me too man, that shit was like cement"

I grinrd and squeezed his hand 

"Hey, gorgeous tattoo man" Mikey said and i stared at the mutated our lady of sorrows.

"I uh,  gotta fix it"i said and he hummed 

"She looks cool as, much did that set you back?"

"Around 300 i think"i hunmed and he nodded 

"The tit is tattooing his neck today"

I grinned around my spoon

"Badass dude"he said and i nodded

"Fuck life"Ray said and sat opposite mikey, taking his coffee mug 

"Swear to fuck someone kill me"he said befote freezing 

"Was that insensitive? Sorry"

"Fuck man we take the piss out of it more than anyone, dont tip toe around ys its cool"i said and he nodded, closing his eyes.

  _1 week later_

"Yo?"i answered the phonr 

"Hey man you coming over today?"mikey asked

"Yeah soon, whats up?"

"He like wont get up?he wont take his meds either"

I glanced at the lyrics before getting up

"Be there soon man, he can get violent so just stay back"

"Thanks frank"

I hung up, jogging down the stairs to my car. When i got to gerards i climbrd into the bed

"Baby, its frank"

He flinced

"Were going to sit up and take our meds"

"Fuck off"he said into his pillow

"No sweetheart"i said. He didnt move when i tried to roll him over. Just lay face down 

"Take them and we can cuddle and sleeo all you want"

"Dont want to be touched"

"Thats okay, ill leave, just take them for me alright,"

He groanrd anf sat up taking them and a drink. He showed me his mouth 

"Now go away"he said pulling the blanket over his head. I walked upstairs 

"Whats wrong with him?"mikey asked 

"He gets like this, hell sleep it off. Got his meds into him"i said as i poured a mug of coffee

"He didnt before?"

"Not like that"he whispered and i sat down 

"Hes okay, dont worry"i smiled. A few hours passed as me and mikey played xbox before i heard shuffle of feet. I smiled at gerard 

"Hi baby, better?"he nodded slightly 

"Im sorry  i do want cuddles"he whispered and i smiled, getting up to follow him down. He fell asleep against my chest in minutes. I kissed his forehead and sighed, closing my eyes and focusing on his breathing. When i woke up, i moaned and stretched before rolling over to Gerard. I kissed his neck

"Baby?"i said

"Hmm?"he whispered half asleep

"Got any morning wood going for me?"

He snorted and rolled over to kiss me. I opened up for him immediatly, wrapping my legs around his waist before pushing off his top and kissing him again, lacing my fingers through his hair.he pulled away to tear of my boxers before biting at my thigh. I moaned as he fingered me quickly, opening me up. I moaned as i came, shutting my legs around his hand. He kissed my knee before going into the bathroom, shutting the door.

"Gee?"i called pulling on my boxers again. I pushed open the door 

"Gee what?"i whispered, he had his knees against his chest with his head against them. I kneeled down and touched his arm 

"Cant get hard"he whispered

"Hey thats okay, its probably the pills"

He sighed 

"Its not you babe"he whispered and i spread his legs to sit on his lap

"I know gee, all antidepressents fuck with your sex drive, its okay. Please dont shut me out like that gee,im here"

He nodded and sighed

"Fucking 23 and cant get it up"

I giggled and kissed his neck 

"Come back to bed with me gee"i whispered and he sighed, nodding. He folllowed me to the bed before lying own, curling into me 

"Should i buy some viagra?"i joked and he laughed 

"Fuck you"he said and i kissed his forehead 

"My gorgeous boy"i whispered and he hummed 

"Fucking love you"

"Love you"he whispered

"Guys? Im going back home, mom should be home soon?"

"Come in Mikeyway"i said and he opened the door

"I need to get home, is that okay?"

"Yes mikey, dont be a stranger tho"gerard said and he smiled

"Stay safe big bro"mikey put his hand on gerards cheek

"Take care of eachother"he added 

"See you soon"i hummed and he smiled,leaving.

"Empty house too. Fuck my dick"

"I was trying to"i whispered before cracking up

"Asshole, breakfast"he grinned getting up. I walked into the kitchen, tagginf the mug he handed me before getting his pills out. He took them quickly before we ate cereal

"Want to do something today?"

He shook his head slowly and i nodded 

"Thats okay, you do have to go to therapy"

He sighed and nodded then walked down stairs. I cleaned up the dishes quickly before following him. I curled up in the bed again as he showered before we got dressed. The drive to the hospital was quick and he got out without a word. I sighed and parked up to wait, turning on the radio. There was a knock on my window and i opened the door 

"Hey lucy"

"Hes not doing well?"

I sighed and shrugged 

"He cant get it up,  think its affecting him more than hes letting on"

She sighed and nodded 

"If he isnt improving hell be admitted again"

I nodded and sighed 

"Hes trying"i whispered

"And you?"she smiled softly 

"Im okay"i nodded

"Any more attempts?"

"No"i said and she smiled 

"Please got let him improve"she sighed 

"See you wedesday"she hummed and i nodded

"Bye"

By the time Gerard was done, he got into the car quietly

"Well?"

He ignored me, putting on his belt. I sighed and drove to his 

"Go home frank"he said

"Im not leaving you alone"

"Its fucking you that cant be alone, not me! Fuck off!"he snapped slamming the door. I groaned and dialed donnas number 

"Whats wrong?"

"You gotta come home, i cant anymore"i said and she sighed 

"Its okay im on the way, go on home"

I didnt call or text Gerard for two days, getting ready for Pencys first gig back. I sighed as i stood at the edge of the small stage, looking out at the crowd 

"Hell be here"mom said and i sighed, nodding 

"Youre on"the manager said and i nodded following thr band out and we kicked into our first song quickly. I noticed Gerard 3 songs in, standing at the edge of the stage. He hadnt showered and was in his pjs. I glanced back to the crowd, gripping onto the mic as i closed my eyes. 

"Im sorry"he said into the ear piece mic and i sighed, glacing at the guys who were frowning. I held out my hand not missing a beat and felt his fingers in mine in a few seconds. I squeezed and finished the song 

"Im frank iero and this is pency prep"i said into the mic 

"Whos that?"a girl shouted 

"My partner"i replied before turning to him, covering the mic 

"2 more songs G, you want to go wait in the van?"

"I want alcohol"he whispered and i sighed

"One, here"i lifted my beer before kissing his cheek 

"Are we okay?"he whispered andi  frowned 

"Will be"i said and he nodded shuffling of the stage. By the time we were done i packed up before taking Gerards hand, pulling him into the changing rooms 

"Listen closely G, alright?"

He nodded

"You bring up my fucking attempt one more time, and itll be your life im taking, disorder or not thats horrible and disrespectful"i said and he nodded 

"I dont mean too"he whispered and i sighed, nodding 

"Just..dont alright?"

He nodded and i hugged him close

_2 years later_

I flipped the palette knife over in my hands, staring at it as the metal reflected the light

"Frank?"

I glanced at Gerard 

"Still?"he whispered softly and i shrugged, setting it down. Gerard had improved, after a major episode last year where he didnt leave his bed for a week, we moved in together to a small apartment a few blocks from his moms. Mostly he was doing good though.

"Somedays"i whispered

"Why?"

"My body"i admitted before he bit his lip, going into his bottom drawer and taking an envelope 

"This is for you"

I frowned and took it, flicking through 100s of bills 

"Its not enoigh yet but it will be soon. Enoigh for top surgery"

I inhaled deep, looking up at him

"Lucy said it would help you recover fully"

I started to cry, throwing my arms around his neck and squishing my face into it

"Fucking love you"i cried and he kissed my head 

"Love you"he whispered back

"Come to bed"he whispered taking my hand. I nodded, turning off the lights before following his into our bed. I kept my hoodie on, curling up into him

"I love your body, even bit of it babe, okay?"

I nodded against his chest and sighed, closing my eyes as he started to sing softly.

_6 months later_

I signed the concent form, filling out my details before i was called into the room. Gerard followed behind and i sat down, glancing between my therapist and the doctor 

"Frank ive got some news"he paused and i frowned 

"We cant operate yet"he finished and i felt tears fill my eyes 

"Why?"gerard asked and he glanced at me 

"Our routeen blood test showed up a rice in HCT levels"

"What does that mean?"gerard asked and my therapist smiled at me 

"It means Frank is pregnant"she said and i breathed in through my teeth

"Ofcourse you can discontinue the pregnancy and we can go ahead-"

"No"i said before glancing at Gerard 

"No, right?"i whispered and he grinned 

"No"he echoed and i sniffed, wiping my nose 

"Congratulations Frank. You seem to be far on, do you know your missed period?"

"Im irregular, sometimes i dont have them for months"i said and he nodded 

"I can preform a scan, but your medication has to be stopped"

I nodded slowly

"Good, up on the bed please"

I glanced at gerard before climbing on to the bed, pulling up my hoodie to my chest 

"How did you get these bruises?"he asked and i snorted 

"Uh, we can get rough"i said

"Take it easy"he nodded before a monitor was pressed into my stomach. A heart beat filled my ears and i gripped for gerards hand

"Youre about 12 weeks"he smiled 

_10 years later_

"Lucy?"i grinned and she turned 

"Iero! Hi sweetheart! Its been so long!"

"Yeah you left, didnt you?"i hummed and she nodded

"It was time. How are you? And gerard?"

"Hes over there, hell be so happy to see you!"

I lead her to the table 

"Bandit get off that tablet, now"Gerard scowlded 

"G"i said and he looked up before gasping 

"Lucy!"he hugged her tightly 

"Man its been nearly 10 years!"he said and she giggled 

"Hi gerard, how are you?"

"Good 99 percent of the time! Oh! This is our daughter"

She gasped

"Seriously?! You guys oh god! Hi sweetheart!"

"Hello"bandit mumbled and i snorted 

"She wanted ice cream"i said and lucy chuckled 

"Im so glad you guys made it together!"

I held uo my hand, waving my wedding ring of 8 years 

"Stuck with him now"i smiled 

"Im going to cry oh god"she whispered and i laughed 

"Thank you for all that you did for us"gerard smiled 

"No problem! I better run, so good to see you guys!"

She hugged us goodbye before i slid in next to gerard 

"Fucking blast from the past"i whispered and he giggled

"Look at us, ever imagine wed get this far?"

"No"i admitted, grinning over at Bandit. 


End file.
